'The Host' movie review

Yesterday, on the most homosexual day of my life, I went to see The Host, a film based on a Stephenie Meyer novel. Believe it or not, I have actually read the novel and actually liked it. Sure, it has some typical Stephenie-Meyer-sappy-bullshit in it, but the general idea is very interesting, it has this pretty clever "love quadrangle" thingy and I was generally interested in seeing this movie. I knew all along that a giant piece of shit could have been made from the book, but it also had the potential to be a decent sci-fi at its best. So The Host tells the story of Earth being overpopulated by aliens, known as "Souls", that took control of our minds and bodies and made Earth a peaceful place. There still are small groups of human resistance, and when one of the rebels named Melanie gets captured, a Soul named Wanderer is placed inside her body and is set on a quest to reveal the location of the resistance through Melanie's memories. But Melanie is still present in her mind and the two become connected.

If that sounds interesting, it's because it probably is. And in comes out pretty interesting and on an acceptable level of sappyness in the book. How about the movie? Well...let's just say I don't know where to start. The best part were, no exaggeration, the end credits, because they used the song Radioactive in it, which is way too good for this movie, by the way. But seriously, first off: I have no problem with teenage romance, if it is self-aware, not too sappy and executed good with intelligent dialogue and good acting (Beautiful Creatures is a brilliant example). The Host has none of that. Saoirse Ronan does her best and is a truly talented (and adorable) actress, but even she can't save this movie, as she's only as good as the script allows her to be, and that is "alright" at it's best. The rest of the cast is...well, terrible. I don't know how could have they fucked up that, but even the voice actress of Melanie's voice stuck inside her head was terrible. She just made those inner monologue scenes even more laughable and silly and makes me want to create a Golden Razzy category for Worst Voice Acting this year just for this movie. Now one thing I was worried about when anticipating the movie was that it would focus too much on the romance instead of the sci-fi, but I had hope because of Andrew Niccol, who is a very sci-fi director. When I was watching the movie, I didn't feel the movie focused on anything, it just kinda went along. 

The romance parts were unbeliveably laughable of course and the sci-fi ones were also incredibly odd and silly, and I really don't know how can a sci-fi director and writer of The Truman Show fuck that up. There are some changes made from the book that made it include more action, which I was happy about, because the book has no action at all. But even those action scenes are plain painful to watch. There are practically three action scenes in the whole film, the biggest and most spectacular one being a car chase with four vehicles and each of those scenes last about 20 seconds. Yup, 20 seconds. And what's even worse is, that this marks the second time in my history of watching movies, that I found the music in the movie so bad, that I have to mention it (the first time is Johnny English Reborn, so...). The score in The Host is so unbelieveably cheesy and repetitive, and instead of just making a simple, dramatic futuristic sci-fi action score (which I don't believe is that hard if you're a professional composer) The Host constantly gives us these cheesy repetitive violin score bits, that manage to ruin even those 20-second action scenes, so basically you could say there practically isn't any action in The Host.

"It's a strange world, we live in. The strangest." Yup, a Stephenie Meyer novel.

The movie isn't that bad to be honest, but it's still pretty bad. There are some cool shots of silver lotuses and a particular scene where a certain car crashes (triying not to spoil, but there's nothing to be spoiled here), which was actually a good scene, where the cheesy repetitive violin score actually fitted, but otherwise the whole movie is just bad and so sillly, it hurts. When I tought more and more about the movie, I basically realised that you can't really make a good movie out of this book. The creators of this certainly haven't tried their best, but when I kept thinking - for an example, the inner monologue is standable in the book, but even with a better Melanie voice actress or whatever, it would still look stupid in any shape or form. There are also these relationships between the characters, which just look plain stupid in the movie, because you don't enough time to establish time. Like the love quadrangle, the Wanderer starting to like Melanie's boyfriend because Melanie is a part of her, Melanie's brother starting to connect to Wanderer and Melanie inside her, etc. 

All these things sound campy, and that's because they are, but the book has 700 pages and takes time to establish those relationships and in the book...it actually kinda works. It's actually believeable in parts, while the movie just feels incredibly rushed, even tough it's 2 hours long and makes all those scenes with characters willing to die for each other just because they smiled at each other more than once look very silly (hold your horses, I didn't say it's not silly in the book, but it's a lot less silly in the movie). But than the movie would have to be 4 hours long to establish all that, so I've came to a conclusion, that The Host is a practically unfilmable book, which should just stay a book (but sadly, it was announced that it would expand into a trilogy, which means more shitty movies like this). There is one person connected to the movie (not directly connected, anways) that I do have to applaud and that is the trailer's editor. The trailers made the movie actually look kinda cool, even tough if that means showing practically 2 out of 3 of those 20-second action scenes. So in conclusion, The Host is a bad adaptation of an unfilmable book, an incredibly silly, sappy and forgettable sci-fi romance flick with terrible acting and even worse dialogue, which will sadly still probably make tons of money due to Stephenie Meyer's fans. Give the book a shot. 

Total rating: 5 / 10 

So what do you think of this excuse of a movie? How is it compared the book? Is there a thing you actually liked in the movie? Comment below and let me know...please, pretty please. 

'The Wolverine' first trailer review

After a 6-second trailer for a trailer and a 20-second trailer for a trailer, the first real trailer for the actual The Wolverine movie has arrived. Just to introduce things a bit properly, my knowledge of the X-Men franchise isn't exactly impressive. I've only seen the first X-Men film and I barely remember it and I saw X-Men: First Class twice and I loved it. So I wasn't looking forward to The Wolverine with much anticipation; I think he is a cool character, but I also think he gets a bit too much of the spotlight and I haven't heard a lot of good things about his previous standalone movie, X-Men Origins: Wolverine as well, so my my expectations for this movie were - mild. I wasn't expecting it a lot, I will still definitely go see it and I didn't have any opinion on it, neither good neither bad, pretty much leaving the amount of expectation to be boosted by the trailers. And how is it after watching the trailer? Well, still mild, to be honest.

I'M WOLVERINE MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAA!!!!

There are actually two trailers now released: a domestic and an international one. I don't know the purpose of this, since they are very much alike, except that the international one is about half a minute longer but doesn't show much more substance at all. Social analytics might dig into them, seeking out shots and elements that are not present in the domestic trailer and discover yet another flaw of the damaged social state of the U.S, but to us regular people, it doesn't change anything. Now the trailers are objectively speaking average: they reveal a bit of the story, they have a bit of cool action and dialogue, but they're also pretty cliche, with the annoying electronized Inception-horn music (that doesn't even fit, if it would be used properly like in the Star Trek: Into Darkness trailer, it would be fine) and I'm pretty sure the trailer score for the domestic trailer is a straight rip-off the Skyfall teaser trailer score. Otherwise speaking, we do get glimpses of Wolverine kicking Japanese ass, an intense claw-to-sword duel, a redhead Japanese springing around mysteriously, a shot of Famke Janssen, an old man dying on a bed (so generic, am I right?) and a slightly badly-green-screened rip-off of the train fight scene from Skyfall. 

If there is one thing that intrigues me and interests me in The Wolverine, it's the story. As revealed in the trailer and confusing plot synopsises, Wolverine visits a Japanese man whose life he has saved (I don't know when, possibly in the film's much-hated predecessor, I believe) and discovers, that there actually is a way for him to get rid of his healing powers and become mortal. He then of course gets dramatically shot and towards the end of the trailer dramatically reveals, he is no longer leaving. The subject of mortality and any kind of clever moral complex inside such a character, especially a superhero is always interesting (hence Iron Man 3), but it only works if it's done good, so I hope it will be done good. The trailer itself doesn't actually offer much substance or the tone of the film, but rather relies on a bizzare mix of story and action, that is bound to work in the actual movie. So far, it hasn't got much of my attention or interest, but I'll definitely go see The Wolverine to see how it turned out. 

So what did you think of the first trailer(s) to The Wolverine? Are you excited for the film, if yes/no, why? Do you think Wolverine should just stop getting all the attention and standalone movies finally? Check out the  domestic trailer, the international trailer, comment below, let me know!

5 Things I want in the new Batman: Arkham game

CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY.

Ever since the enourmous critical and commercial succes of 2011's Batman: Arkham City, rumours of a sequel and a possible finisher to the so-far amazing video game soon-to-be-trilogy started with Arkham Asylum in 2009 have been brewing around. The news have been officially confirmed and the world will indeed become a better place by getting another entry in the Batman: Arkham franchise, and we might even get it towards the end of this year. There haven't been any other official updates or news besides the game's announcement, not even a title, so fans have plenty of time to guess, argue and theorize about potential elements of the much-anticipated upcoming game. If you read my review of Batman: AC, you already know that I loved the game just as much as the rest of the world probably did and am very hyped for its sequel, so I've decided to put together a list of the top 5 things I would like to see most in the upcoming video game.

5. Robin / Nightwing co-op missions

Robin made an cameo appearance in the story mode of AC and was playable in the Harley Quinn's Revenge DLC and the Riddler's Revenge mode, but people are obviously hungry for a situation that has never really been done rightfully: Batman and Robin fighting side-by-side, brothers in arms and justice, kicking villanous ass! I don't think that the first-associated-cheesyness of this element would ruin the dark atmosphere of the games, au contraire, it would probably make for some very cool missions, where you could switch between Batman, Robin and possibly Nightwing and the game could also include an interesting multiplayer / co-op mode. It would be extremely cool, if they would do it right.

4. Hush, Red Hood and Azrael storylines

If you played through the excellent Identity Theft side mission in AC, you know that the villain Hush has now surgically reformed his face to look like Bruce Wayne. You also know that Batman lets him go and decides to go catch him "tomorrow", which could result in a kick-ass storyline for the sequel. The bad-ass character of Azrael also appears in his teasing side mission and will definitely appear in the next game in some shape or form, probably an epic shape or form, if you listen to his monumental ending monologue. Both of the games have introduced a plenty of villains, so there basically aren't much good ones left (just kidding, in case any butthurt fanboy tries to murder me), but I am rooting a lot for the inclusion of the-second-Robin-turned-villain Red Hood and the infamous Man-Bat, who might have also been partly referenced in AC.

3. Return of The Scarecrow

Scarecrow is one of my favourite Batman characters and characters in general, and I also loved his incarnation in AA, so I can't wait to get more of him. The lack of his physical presence in AC was replaced with numerous references, from his thugs to fear gas boxes and secret radio messages that decoded, spell out the words: "I will return, Batman. You will pay for what you have done to me. Fear will tear Gotham City to shreds." If that sounds epic, it's because it really fuckin is. So I guess he really wasn't eaten by Killer Croc or something and is just out there, plotting some awesome revenge plan. In any case, The Scarecrow will most likely return and possibly form an alliance with Hush, which is even more epic. 

2. Keep The Joker dead

AC made a very ballsy move by killing of The Joker at the end and it really payed off. It was an incredibly dark and poignant ending, it made me sad, it made me depressed - and I'm not use to being sad for the deaths of video game characters, barely even fictional ones in general. I just hope they don't bring The Joker back like ressurecting him with The Lazarus Pit or revealing it was Clayface who died. As much as I love The Joker, I also love the ending and the only way I want to see him in a sequel is in some kind of an emotionally affecting Scarecrow hallucination. Plus, isn't this one of the coolest endings ever?

1. Full open-world Gotham City

Of course this is the thing that fans want the most! As much as AC gave us sort of an open-world feel, I still often felt as if I was imprisoned (get it?) and would love take on a full-fledged, open-world sandbox world of Gotham City. You could also drive around with The Batmobile and have those previously mentioned Robin co-op missions, where the dynamic duo could swing around and solve regular crimes, like in the "Acts of Random Violence" mission in AC! Again, it would be much less cheesier than it sounds. And just imagine, visiting all those places in the town...agh, I'm going to start to drool. 

Whatever happens with the next Batman: Arkham game, I'm sure it will be good, I'm sure they will respect some of the things I listed here, because I am sure to share some of these opinions with many people. There are some things that raise my concerns tough - rumours have been flying around about the sequel being set in the 50's and the Silver Age comics era, meaning it will basically be a prequel, of how Batman met The Joker and so on. That seems like the biggest waste of the potential kick-ass storylines I've noted here and again, forcing Joker's return. If Mark Hammil won't voice him, fans won't be satisfied anyway. Another thing that concerns me is that reportedly WB Montreal might be taking on the game instead of Rocksteady, which is also absolute bullshit. That's like Chris Nolan not directing and writing TDKR, fucking imagine that!

So what do you think of the upcoming sequel to Batman: Arkham City? What do you want to see in the game? Do you agree with me on these points? Comment below, let me know!

'Kick-Ass 2' red band trailer review

One of my most anticipated movies of 2013, (the 8th most anticipated, to be precise), Kick-Ass 2, the sequel to 2010's ultra-violent superhero movie has got its first trailer, appopriately a red band one. So if you might be underage and can't view the trailer, you can read this review...or of course, if you just wanted to hear my opinion and analysis of it, but judging by my view and reader count, I hardly believe that's possible. Anyways, Kick-Ass 2 will reportedly follow Hit Girl training Kick-Ass onto a way of becoming a real bad-ass like she is, while also trying to balance her double life. Kick-Ass will of course remain the main character and will be put to his biggest test yet, as the former-douchy-crime-boss's-son-turned-fake-superhero-now-real-villain Chris D' Amico, now known as The Motherfucker is out to take revenge on our heroes, as he builds up an army of supervillains. Sounds quite cool, and as much as this trailer shows a bit of the cool stuff and reveals some more plot elements, I can't stop myself from thinking it looks just...inferior. But we'll get to that later.

As you know, if you might have read my Kick-Ass review (which you probably didn't, so I'll just tell you this now), I really loved the first movie and can't wait for the sequel. The anticipation is still in me, but as I said, this trailer just makes the movie look (by this I mean that the movie could not be like that, but in cases like this trailers don't lie as they seize to get the best out of a movie) inferior to its predecessor. I mean, Aaron-Taylor Johnson is still likeable as hell and Chloe Grace Moretz is still bad-ass as hell and Christopher Mintz-Plasse is still ironically-likeable and ironically-bad-ass as hell, but it all just looks...worse. It looks like it has no heart, no freshness. I don't really know who to blame here, but I'll just take director Jeff Wadlow, who replaced Matthew Vaughn. I was a bit sarcastic at this last sentence, but I just can't stop myself from thinking that a new director might just not fill the shoes and proffil the unique visual style and spirit, that made the first movie so good.

As much as the violence and comic-book feel still is present in the trailer, it just doesn't have "it". It's hard to explain, but if I can do my best, it just doesn't capture as what the first movie was about, like Kick-Ass looks way too buff for a geeky high-schooler and Hit Girl looks way too high-school-ish to still be cute and surprising and stuff. There are some things that I don't like about the trailer, that I can explain tough: a) I didn't really laugh much at any of the jokes, except the tampon one, and b): the CGI and cinemography look a bit bad in a few shots. I hope the movie will not turn out that way, because it has nicepotential, Jim Carrey is back in an actual movie role and his seems slightly odd and old and everything, but I think he'll work out. Hit Girl training Kick-Ass will probably come out pretty hilarious, Christopher Mintz-Plasse will definitely kick ass (yes, people, I went there, crucify me) as The Motherfucker and just seeing all these characters and story will be very pleasant in basis, so no matter how this trailer disappointed me a bit, I'm still incredibly pumped for Kick-Ass 2. 

So what do you think of the new Kick-Ass 2 trailer? What do you think of Jim Carrey in an actual movie role? Are you still pumped for the film? Check it out here, comment below, let me know!